<Click Here to go to the Introduction of this series>
<Click Here to go to Part One of this series, "Capacity for Deferred Gratification">
Intimate Knowledge or Familiarity
"At exactly which point do you start to realize
that life without Knowledge is death-in-disguise?
That's why Knowledge of Self is like life-after-death
Apply it to your life--let destiny manifest"
-Talib Kweli (as Black Star)
I head this section with a dualism that was not specifically drawn by Barber or Postman in their social critiques. I added and chose this dualism because I have seen Familiarity equated with Intimate Knowledge far too often, only arresting our "adult" development in the long-term. If we are to practice Adult Fluency, Familiar Knowledge of Self is not sufficient--we must be able to know ourselves Intimately.
The reason we must be working for Intimate Knowledge of Self as a characteristic of Fluency is that I believe that in order for us to be Fluenty outwardly, we must first be Fluent inwardly. We cannot be Accountable or Reconcile externally if we are not Accountable and have not Reconciled internally. An Intimate Knowledge of Self is difficult to describe, because the sensations may be different for each individual. I'll do my best.
When we look inward to discover who we are, we must be willing and able to suspend our judgment for the sake of our learning and growth. This practice is closely related to a Capacity for Deferred Gratification, but I believe it is more appropriate to cite this particular type of willing suspension here. An important thing to remember is that while we look inside ourselves, we see through conditioned lenses--lenses that we will simultaneously be peering through and trying to clean. Because of that, suspending our judgment will be very difficult; but, if we are able to do so, and practice that essence of humility that embraces the possibility of Not-Knowing, we will have a good place to start. Let's do our best to start from scratch as we piece together and see our identities being formed.
As I mentioned earlier in this secion, we are often satisfied (unwittingly, like Baby, perhaps) with Familiarity, as a substitute for Intimacy. We should not feel ashamed of this, but humbly acknowledge it for what it is: a series of crude associations memorized for the sake of having a base from which to understand ourselves and others. We can recognize our dependence on Familiarity in the language we use when we describe our self or another. Familiarity does not seek to know or express knowing, but instead seeks to memorize, classify, and categorize. Familiarity seeks connectivity between associative labels and form judgments thereby. If one gives commentary with phrases like "I'm not the type of person who ______," or, "He/she is just a _______ kind of person," or "...and you call yourself a ________," this person may be substituting Familiar Knowledge for Intimacy. With judgments being formed out of classifications and categorizations, it can lead to even the most subtle of dehumanizations (that is, believing that any individual person or group of persons is inherently less human--including the self), and the denial of a person's humanity is the direct antithesis of Intimacy. Familiarity is open to dehumanization, because Familiarity is centrally built on external perception(s). Intimate Knowledge of Self does not take external perception in to consideration, because Intimacy marries the Self with an unconditional regard of Love and Admiration that is granted us by the Creator. Unconditional--meaning that external perception is irrelevant to what one discovers in their Intimate Knowledge of the Self.
If one chooses a journey of self-discovery that holds Intimacy as the standard rather than Familiarity, it is almost definite that it will be a long, arduous, nearly impossible journey. Knowing this, even when we see the fruits of the Intimate Knowledge, we stay on course with Familiarity, because: the demands are less consuming, the pre-conditions of our minds and hearts are permitted to remain unchanged, and we find that the short-sighted commitments to Familiar circumstances are easier to uphold than the all-consuming commitments to Intimacy; which, unlike Familiarity, we are unable to influence their outcomes.
Familiarity, if we remain in its' grasp, will sustain us only through lives of half-truths, impatience, wavering commitments, arrested intellectual & spiritual development, and overwhelming cynicism. If we find ourselves wishing we could "just be ourselves no matter what," let our 'Yes' and 'No' actually mean 'Yes' and 'No' rather than 'Maybe," if we our discouraged by what we believe to be a lack of faith, and if we are consumed by the ills of humanity, a good place for us to begin thinking anew can be found at the end of the 139th Psalm: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." If we ask God to reveal to us all that is inside us that is Artificial, all that is Childish, all that is Despicable, all that is Offensive, all that is Hateful, we will surely be shown. And this is not to discourage us with the ugliness of our hearts--it is to confront, seek the roots of, work to Heal, and ultimately be a living testament to the redemptive beauty of Christ. Healing in this way is not possible without Intimate Knowledge of Self, met with Intimate Faith that God truly can Redeem us. In Familiarity, we are limited to only a categorical sense of who we are, where all things are justifiable, trust is formulaic, and nothing can be healed. This is not the way of Adulthood, this is the way of vehement defense of a Childish lack of faith.
Intimacy with Self may very well be a different experience for each individual alive. As we grow closer and closer to this Intimacy, we constanly are recognizing and working through pre-conditions of our Minds, and more importantly, our Hearts. We find that external influences have shaped us more than we would have like--but if we are determined, we will muster the Courage to Think for Our Selves. I often recall those famous words of Bob Marley for my conscious reminder: "Emancipate yourself from mental slavery--None but ourselves can Free our minds." We will recognize that our televisions, our movies, our music, our magazines, our possessions, our peers, our elders, our children, are indeed not reflections of us, but in many ways are our Authors. And, if we are Courageous enough, we will repeal their Authorship, and grant it in to the hands of the God of Generous Love and Good Providence. The Courage that it takes to seek Intimate Knowledge of Self cannot be emphasized enough. This Courage can not be fed by friends, by family, by profound beauty, or anything else that we receive. It must come from within, where God has cultivated it. Each of us are in some way haunted by the deep, dark places inside we are fearful will consume us if we venture in to--I encourage you to find the Courage to seek out the Intimacy in those places, because that Intimate Knowledge of Self begets Faith, and Integrity, and Committment. Indeed we are weak, but Faith musters Endurance. We are fools, but Integrity rejects our Folly. When we lack Faith, Commitment bonds us to God himself.
When we have begun unpacking ourselves beyond the Familiar sense that we are so accustomed to, we can slowly (and I definitely emphasize slowly) begin searching for our new place in God's present Kingdom, and among our Neighbors. When we have our first senses of an Intimate Knowledge of Self, we may be fearful of the unseen, but we must continue. We may find that we have to "re-introduce" ourselves to our friends, our families, even God. That re-introduction may bring warfare--as Lauryn Hill laments--because, "many people prefer deception." I believe that we will find ourselves with new identities, new interactions with God, and new ways of living out relationships with Neighbors.
Hopefully, we will be granted a new, heightened sense of Accountability to our Neighbors.
